Tears of Healing
by Compulsive Writer
Summary: Years later, four friends who were once torn apart by tragedy will come together for a second chance, bound anew by yet another tragic situation.
1. Chapter 1

**~ CHAPTER ONE ~**

A child—she guessed no more than five years of age—approached Haruka at the table where she sat, surrounded by stacks of her latest book. The little girl had lush, blue hair, tied back in a fluffy ponytail, brilliant azure eyes that sparkled with life, and an angelic smile as she peered up in wonder. She cradled her copy of _The Golden Yarn _close to her chest as her smile seemed to grow even wider, impossibly wide. Haruka didn't think she had ever seen so precious a child in her entire life. Hands folded on the table before her, the author of more than a dozen children's books leaned forward, and let her own smile grow.

"Well, hello there."

"Hi," the girl said. Her cheeks glowed, but she was unafraid. She held the book out then, not the least bit bashful, offering it eagerly.

Haruka thought it was unusual. It wasn't often a girl so young would know what it meant to have a book signed. She agreed to these types of events not because she wanted to sign books for children who didn't understand what it really meant to receive an autograph , but because she wanted people to take notice of her books. Curious people would often buy them just because she was there, and on occasion parents thought it a creative gift to get their children an autographed copy. Haruka enjoyed signing books, but she didn't really think her signature was all that important. What was really important was the story within the book's pages, and the only thing she cared about was whether or not her books were loved by the children who would grow up with them.

Indeed, that love sparkled in this child's eyes. That much was evident. She seemed to know exactly what this moment meant, even if Haruka was slightly confused. A five-year-old child, alone, asking for an autograph… that in itself was unusual event. Thinking back on her still young career, Haruka realized that it was a very rare occasion when her youngest fans ever asked for an autograph. Her usual business on signing days was with collectors in their teens and older, many of whom she doubted ever even cracked the book open read it once it was signed.

It was rather late in the day, and business was grinding to a halt. In fact, this appeared to be her last customer of the day. Most of the people in the bookstore had their sights on other merchandise. She could go out and get dinner… finally. With visions of udon briefly dancing in her thoughts, a very hungry Haruka picked up her pen, opening the book. A brilliant splash of color greeted her on the title page. She popped the lid off the pen, and just as she was about to ask the child's name, something unexpected happened.

"You're the lady from the picture."

Haruka paused. She was still staring at that spot in the book where she intended to write her signature, but now she struggled to gain her focus. Her thoughts of hunger vanished in an instant, followed by her marveling at that beauty and wonder of the child before her.

For the first time, she wondered at the intent of her little customer.

"I like your hair."

Haruka set down the pen, peering at the girl. "Why thank you. Yours is lovely, too."

She beamed. "It's like my mommy's."

"Is that so?"

A big hand rested on the shoulder of the little girl then. "Now, sweetheart, it's not polite to start a conversation without introducing yourself first."

"'Kay, Daddy." She looked up and curtsied. "I'm Haruka!"

Haruka felt her heart leap into her throat. She looked up to the man standing over his daughter and stared in disbelief. He met her gaze and smiled, and she remembered the sincere and gentle and somber brown gaze of Takayuki, the boy she had fallen in love with years before.

She rose out of her chair in a rush, backing away as though she had seen a ghost.

His smile widened. He watched her, drinking her in with his gaze. By his expression, she knew what he was thinking. It had been a long time since they'd parted ways.

"Takayuki…"

"I'm sorry to startle you, Haruka." He paused. In that moment Haruka could feel her body finally seizing control of her racing heart. The initial shock at seeing him again was gradually fading away. "We saw that your book came out today, so I wanted to bring my daughter to pick up a copy. She loves all of your books, you know. They're very endearing."

"Well… I'm glad." She turned her gaze back to the little girl and then drew a breath. "I'll sign it for you then, and that way you'll always remember that you had the chance to meet me."

"I won't forget," little Haruka said, but she was fiddling with her pony tail and her eyes were wandering. She had a very innocent, charming air about her. She was simply adorable. Haruka wanted to scoop her up and give her a big hug, but she knew that wouldn't be appropriate. She and Takayuki had parted ways a long time ago, after all; that they were meeting her now was a coincidence of circumstance, and nothing more.

Haruka wanted to smile at the little girl, but she would have had to have forced it even if the girl had looked her way. She felt that with Takayuki's eyes on her, she was being drawn back into dark memories, from both the recent past and also back then, during those days when she realized that she had to let him go, forever.

She turned her attention to the book, which she quickly signed, and handed it back down to the girl that bore her name. "Here you go, sweetie. I hope you like it."

"I will. Thank you!"

Haruka had to smile, then, and she found that she didn't have to force it at all. The child was a little treasure. Takayuki had been blessed with a wonder she could only dream of. "She's an angel," she said sadly as she turned her attention to the girl's father. "Thank you for coming by, Takayuki. It was nice seeing you again." She bowed. "But I have to go now. The store's closing in a few minutes."

"Do you have someone meeting you after you get done?"

She frowned. "No…"

"Well then why don't you let us treat you to dinner. It's been a long time. I would love to have the opportunity to catch up, if you don't mind."

"I don't know if that's such a great idea."

Takayuki didn't seem interested in taking "no" for an answer. "Please, Haruka… I really need to talk to you. I promise, we won't take up much of your time. There's just something I think you really need to know."

She felt her chest constricting, and wondered why now, of all times, she felt her resolve wavering. After suffering her own personal tragedy recently, facing the past now was something that would break her heart all over again. She didn't think she could recover so easily a second time around. She turned her gaze down to little Haruka. It was nice that he and Mistuki had named their daughter after her, assuming, of course, that she _was_ Mitsuki's daughter.

"Why does this feel like such a bad idea?"

"Maybe it is," Takayuki admitted quietly. "But there are things that need to be said, and after this, there won't be any second chances."

She wondered what he meant by that. Surely he realized that any such opportunities between them were nonexistence. Takayuki wasn't a fool; their parting had been mutual. And here he was with his daughter. What second chance could they possibly share when he had come here with a daughter at his side who had been brought into the world by some other woman?

"Udon," she said quietly. "I've been craving udon all day long."

Takayuki smiled. "Done deal."


	2. Chapter 2

**~ CHAPTER TWO ~**

Little Haruka turned the page in her storybook and giggled at the funny little troll waving back at her. Sitting across from the child and fiddling with one of the long braids that fell across a rosy cheek, the elder Haruka could only stare in wonder at the precious gift from God. For the second time that evening, she wondered how it was that Takayuki could be so blessed. She might even have regretted the thought, if, of course, she had not suffered her own fate.

"Haruka?"

She looked up when he said her name, and then forced a small smile. What was she doing here? What could have possibly possessed her into agreeing to such a ridiculous proposal. She had to get out of here. She had to leave now before she reached the point of no return. Yet, despite knowing this, Haruka found that she couldn't force herself out of the booth where she sat.

Takayuki smiled back. It was a handsome smile, kind and generous, but his eyes didn't reveal anything more to her than simple and endearing friendship. This visit, she realized, was not about them at all. It wasn't nearly that complicated. Yet, at the same time, Haruka knew it would not be that easy, either. Too much had happened. Years had passed them by since that day she had faded, quite literally, from the flow of time. Were they even the same people now? They hadn't been the same people six years ago, when Haruka had awoken from that awful coma that in many terrible ways still defined her existence. She didn't suppose six more years had improved matters.

"You haven't touched your udon," he said cheerfully.

She glanced at her bowl. "It's a bit hot yet. I'll let it cool."

He smiled and went back to his ramen. Haruka watched as he ate. The tears threatened but didn't come, though she thought perhaps he would notice anyway. When he looked her way again, she became embarrassed and quickly averted her gaze. He said nothing, only smiled and continued his meal.

Little Haruka giggled again. "He's goofy," she announced, turning the page. "Why doesn't he just ask the fairies to play with him?"

Haruka smiled. "You ask very good questions, sweetie."

"Doesn't she though?" Takayuki asked, sipping his drink. He lay a hand on his daughter's shoulder, smiling down to her. She beamed up at him. "She's real smart. A real fireball, too. She ties me in knots whenever I put any effort into trying to figure her out."

Haruka giggled at the mental image, but then blushed when she saw Takayuki grinning at her. "That's what I've been waiting to see," he said quietly, leaning forward with his chin in his hand as he studied her. "That's the Haruka I remember."

"But I'm not the Haruka you remember!" she protested, and she wanted to get up then and walk away, but something held her back. She didn't have the strength to walk away. But then, perhaps it took more strength simply to remain seated, facing a man she had parted from six years ago. Why was he dragging her back into that pit of despair?

She wanted to scream at him, to tell him that this wasn't fair, that she had left that past behind and built a life for herself, without him. Those days were long gone. _He_ had chosen Mitsuki.

"But you are. And in my heart, you always will be."

"What does that mean?"

"I make no apologies for how I feel about you, Haruka." Takayuki smiled at her shocked expression, and then ate a few bites of his ramen. "To be honest," he said as he set aside the bowl and took on a very serious demeanor, "I didn't come here to buy a book in that particular bookstore out of coincidence. The truth is, I knew you were going to be there. My daughter and I made a special trip from Kyoto, believe it or not."

"From Kyoto? But why?"

"I didn't come here for you," he admitted as he mussed his daughter's hair and then looked back up at Haruka with a pained expression. "I came because of Mitsuki."

Was that… sorrow in his expression? Sadness? He had seemed so joyful a moment ago, and now there were tears building up in the corners of his eyes. Haruka didn't understand. She sat numbly for a time as she waited for him to continue.

Outside, there was a flicker of lightning. Haruka caught the reflection of the light in the moisture in his eyes. She hadn't even realized that rain had begun to fall.

The three of them stared out the window for a time.

"For Mitsuki?" Haruka said softly, prompting him to continue.

He smiled sadly, using a napkin to dry his eyes. "In truth, for all of us. For you, Shinji, Mitsuki. And me too, of course. Shinji's known for some time now, but we never knew exactly how to contact you. Your parents refused to give me your number, probably because you asked them not to. And of course, your number is unlisted. The only way I was able to figure out you'd be here today was through your agent."

"Of course," Haruka whispered, suddenly understanding how he could possibly know where to find her. She studied his expression, and realized that something was horribly wrong. She drew a deep breath. "Okay, I can't do this, Takayuki. I don't want you to beat around the bush any more. Tell me what's going on."

He nodded, glancing to little Haruka as she flipped a page in her book.

"Mitsuki's been in the hospital about two months now," he said quietly. Haruka gasped, leaning forward. "They discovered the cancer over a year ago."

"Oh no…"

"You know Mitsuki… she's a hell of a fighter. And she's fought hard, tooth and nail, since the beginning. She's desperate to live. She clings to life even though the pain is so terrible. She's exhausted, Haruka. What's worse… it's a losing battle. She's dying. The doctors don't think she'll survive the week."

The tears flowed freely now. They came for Haruka as well. It had been a long time since she'd considered this man to be a friend, or Mitsuki and Shinji for that matter. Suddenly the past was meaningless to her. She could only think about that woman, suffering in a hospital bed. It was an existence she knew all too well, but her pain was not the same as Mitsuki's. She felt a pain that was the torment of the heart and soul. Her body had only just been waking up when she realized where she was. Mitsuki's was shutting down, permanently. Haruka couldn't wrap her mind around that dreadful concept, and what it must be like for her friend.

It had been so long since she'd considered Mitsuki a friend, but she did now.

And that was why she had to defend Mitsuki's honor. "What are you doing here?!" she shouted, rising up from her place at the booth, glowering down at him. "You're an idiot, Takayuki! This has nothing to do with me!"

"Haruka!"

"No! Don't do this to me!" She slammed her hand down on the table. "I won't let you do this to me! Mitsuki needs you right now! You should be there, with her, not here, looking for me!"

She turned to run. "Haruka!" She would have ignored him, but she felt his hand snatch hers, and spun around to deliver a slap that echoed through the restaurant. She knew people were watching, and she was bright red with embarrassment, but when she saw the heated expression on Takayuki's face, she knew in that instant that he didn't give a damn about what other people thought.

"You don't think I know this? Dammit, Haruka, I told you already. This isn't about you. It's about Mitsuki. Don't you get it? I need to be at her side now, more than anything. But she needs something far more important."

Haruka's hands went limp at her sides. She stared down at him, numb with shock. She had never seen more conviction in Takayuki's expression.

"I'm here right now because Mitsuki sent me to find you."

"But… but why? Takayuki, there's nothing–"

"Shut up, Haruka," he said. "Just shut up and listen."

She swallowed.

"Do you remember what you thought about back in the hospital? After you woke up from your coma, you were thinking about some pretty heavy stuff. You were thinking about moving forward with your life, and all those petty things that seem trivial to everybody else but mean the world to your heart. Like when you asked me if there was someone else I was seeing. Three years is a long time, just like you said.

"Think of it this way. In Mitsuki's case, she's waiting to die. It's real similar to your situation. Except when she slips into oblivion, there won't be any waking up."

Beside him in the booth, little Haruka had set aside her book. She folded her arms up on the tabletop and sobbed silently into her sleeves.

"She's got those same trivial concerns that you had, Haruka. Except they aren't trivial at all, are they?"

"Takayuki…"

"She just wants to see you, Haruka."

"You're daughter," she whispered.

"Is a strong girl. She understands what's going on."

"But…"

"Do you have regrets?"

Haruka gritted her teeth in despair, and then nodded, unable to speak the truth aloud.

"Me too." Takayuki let her arm go. She didn't run. There was no where to run, because if she did, she thought that her heart would explode with remorse over such a selfish action. He leaned heavily against the table, no longer watching her, giving her the opportunity to flea, if she wanted to. "Then let's mend this bridge while there's still time. Mitsuki's dying. I couldn't begin to fathom what it must be like for her. Please… don't make her last thoughts in this world be those of regret."


	3. Chapter 3

**~ CHAPTER THREE ~**

She had chosen a bouquet of white and blue roses. It was an expensive assortment, but her dear friend was worth every penny, even if their parting words six years ago had not been so kind. She cradled the precious, fragile gift gently to her breast and fought to sooth her racing heart as she stood outside Mitsuki's hospital room. For all the years that had separated them before this day, now there was only this one sliding door to hold back all of the pain.

She felt Takayuki's gaze on her. "Ready, Haruka?"

Drawing a deep breath, she nodded, but said nothing. Honestly, there was no way she could ever be ready for this moment, but she knew it was something she had to do. Takayuki seemed himself to gather his bearings before he reached out and pushed the door open, leading her into a room not unlike the one that had been her prison for more than three years after her accident. The memory of waking up in a place like this unnerved Haruka. Momentarily she closed her eyes as a wave of nausea threatened to send her to her knees… but she was a strong young woman, and she forced herself to remain upright. She drew in another breath, testing the combination of the sweet scent of fresh flowers, potpourri, and the clean, medicinal smell that made her head ache.

Haruka slowly opened her eyes and took in the scene. On the far side of the room was the bed. Instantly she recognized Shinji, his nose buried in a book, at Mitsuki's bedside. Though she didn't see her friend, Haruka knew she was the small mass buried under the covers. She choked back a sob and followed Takayuki toward the point of no return.

Shinji met her gaze with a deepening frown. He did not stand to greet her, and Haruka was glad. This didn't seem to be the appropriate time. She paused, considering him for a moment. How long had it been? She didn't remember seeing him since before her accident. Had it really been nine years? After careful consideration, she realized that it was indeed true. She wondered why he'd never come to visit her at the hospital after she'd awoken from her coma.

She felt a firm but gentle hand on the small of her back. Takayuki eased her forward. "It'll be okay. If you can't think of anything else, just say hi."

"Takayuki?"

"We start with baby steps. That's all I'm saying."

Haruka nodded slowly. "Sure. Baby steps." It seemed she literally complied to his advice, as it took forever to reach Mitsuki's side after that. When she finally did, she first took note of the picture on the night stand. She'd seen the picture before. In fact, she had one of the duplicates in a similar frame on her desk back home.

Four friends, during their final year of high school, had crowded close together on their favorite hilltop for a group photo. It was the night of the festival; Haruka remembered it quite clearly. She had stood for a long time, waiting for Takayuki to join her for their date, but he hadn't shown up. Instead, it was Shinji who came to her rescue. They'd gone to search for Takayuki together, only to discover him on that hilltop with Mitsuki. At the time, Haruka had assumed Takayuki was just being a friend to someone in desperate need of friendship. In later years, she'd become a bit more cynical. That had been the beginning of the end of the friendships that held the four together.

Adding her flowers to the array on the night stand, Haruka sighed. She missed those days of naivety. She would give anything to have her innocence back.

A hand touched hers. "Oh sweetheart…"

Haruka gasped at the sound of Mitsuki's voice, weak and rasping, barely more than a painful whisper. For the first time, she met her friend's gaze. It was a heartbreaking. The joy of life in her once sparkling blue eyes had faded, and now they were almost grey, moist with unshed tears. She was a skinny rail, and she looked to be even frailer than Haruka had been when she had stirred from her coma, six years before. Her eyes were sunken and her once beautiful skin was dry and pale, and looked to be stretched to thin over a body racked by an illness's abuse.

What struck Haruka most, however, was the loss of the gorgeous blue hair that used to be Mitsuki's defining feature. Save for a few frizzled tufts that stuck out below the violet bandanna she wore to spare wandering eyes from the sad indignity that had been caused by radiation treatment, her hair was gone.

Her friend's face began to fade into the haze of her tears. Haruka scooped Mitsuki's hand up into both of hers, sitting beside her on the edge of the bed. She thought if she tried to remain standing, she would collapse. Her sorrows bore heavily into her soul.

Across from her, sitting by the window, Shinji closed his book and set it on the windowsill. He rose then, moving closer to Mitsuki. He smiled sadly, but said nothing. Then he moved around the bed, put a hand on Takayuki's shoulder, and gestured to the door. Haruka glanced only briefly as the two young men moved to the door.

"Where are you going?" Mitsuki rasped.

Takayuki looked back over his shoulder. "It's all right, babe. Shinji and I are going to get us something to drink, and we'll be back."

The pain in the sick woman's voice was evident. Haruka's heart broke even further. "I need you here, Takayuki. Please…"

"I'll be just down the hall. We're coming right back, I promise."

Mitsuki sniffled, shifting her gaze away from Haruka toward the window. From her position, Haruka knew she couldn't see anything except for the dismal grey of the morning sky.

"Go on," Haruka said gently. "I'll take good care of her, Takayuki."

He smiled. "I know you will."

When they were gone, Mitsuki began to cry. The tears spilled from her cheeks onto her pillow. Haruka cried with her, tears shared between friends that she had thought would never be shed again. Until last night, she had thought it was an impossible dream, a dream she had forgotten about ages ago. Mitsuki struggled to lift both of her hands in order to draw Haruka's to her face. She kissed her dear friend's hands and wept silent tears into them.

"I'm here for you, Mitsuki," Haruka whispered. "Let it out." She leaned forward and kissed Mitsuki's forehead gently. She was hot, perhaps slightly feverish. "Let it all out."

And she did, for what seemed an eternity.

Deep, meaningful, cleansing. Tears of healing.

This was a start.


	4. Chapter 4

**~ CHAPTER FOUR ~**

By the time the men returned, Haruka felt truly whole for the first time since waking up in her hospital bed, six years ago. It was a heart wrenching experience, but the moment she and Mitsuki had so desperately needed to share had come and gone. While their eyes were still red and moist with tears, their hearts and souls were bound once again. Their friendship was restored.f

They gathered around Mitsuki's bed, Haruka huddled to her left side, Takayuki to her right, and Shinji in his chair by the window. For the first time in more than a week, Mitsuki had asked to be propped up, and four of them were talking of old times, happier times, when they had been high school students with a world of wonder ahead of them. No one bothered speaking the truth, though they were all thinking about it, Haruka knew. The truth was they could not go back again. They could not start over. But this wasn't about starting over. This was about redemption of the heart, about healing the soul. They couldn't make up for time lost—for Mitsuki it was far too late—but they could be together when the end came, the way they were meant to be.

If she could go with Haruka's forgivenesfs, she could go without regrets. This was what Mitsuki needed so desperately. Takayuki knew her pain, and had been fighting to mend the shattered pieces of the past. He was willing to face that past, for her, the consequences be damned. He would fight for them all, for Mitsuki's sake. Haruka was determined to do no less.

It was against her nature not to give her all in everything she set out to do. It was how she managed to graduate from college with honors, earning a major in child psychology just as she planned to do all those years ago, in under three years. It was how she had managed to become one of Japan's top young authors of children's books in just under a year after graduation. It was how she lived her life day by day, the definition of her existence.

Six years ago, it was how she had managed to put her life back together, despite waking to a world she did not know, to friends she had at that time thought lost to her forever, and to a body that seemed determined to hold her back even though her spirit was dying to take wing. With only Akane, Mum, Pops, the dreams in her heart, and her own stalwart determination to press forward, Haruka had managed to clear every possible hurdle dealt her by the hand of fate, and in unprecedented fashion, she became a walking miracle.

Now, she was living her dreams.

What of Takayuki and Mitsuki? What of Shinji? From her point of view, she was the lucky one. She had faced the ultimate challenge. She had never once paused in moving toward her dreams, but while she was sleeping, the dreams of Takayuki and Mitsuki had been put on hold.

What had those dreams been, exactly? Mitsuki had been one of the top swimmers in the country at the time of Haruka's accident. Those dreams were quickly dashed as Mitsuki chose Takayuki, who so desperately needed her in the aftermath of the tragedy. As for Takayuki... he had been convinced that he wanted to follow her. He had even been planning to take the Hakuryou entrance exam, to be with her.

She had never really known what his plans were. She didn't think he did either.

After the accident, Takayuki had fallen so deeply into the pit of despair that he might as well have been in the bed next to her. Time stopped for three years for Haruka; Takayuki's fate had nearly been the same. He stumbled through the last few weeks of high school, managing to earn a degree, but from then on, nothing else mattered. He spent day after day at her bedside, morning til night. He didn't work, didn't bother to keep his apartment. All that mattered was rising from bed and stumbling to the hospital, to be with her.

It was Mitsuki who had pulled him out of the rut. She left her career in swimming to work a menial job and attempted to support Takayuki when he was in no state to support himself.

While he slowly recovered, somewhere along the way, his eyes met hers.

The two fell in love.

Mitsuki's dreams had been shattered for his sake, but she had won his heart, and Haruka's had been lost. In her comatose state, she could never have known.

She knew it wasn't Mitsuki's fault. When it all boiled down to it, Takayuki needed her. He had from the moment Haruka had slipped into her coma, and he needed her still, even now. She had given him his will to survive, a purpose to move forward with life. Haruka could give him nothing. She couldn't compete with Mitsuki, because they completed each other. Their hearts were one. In the end, what was Takayuki to Haruka, and Haruka to Takayuki? She wasn't sure, but if they were somehow meant to be something more, it would have to be in another life.

At the time of their parting, Haruka told him that she had once believed that no matter what happened between them, they would always remain friends, and that if anything had ever come between them it would work itself out. In the end, three years had proved to be too much. Takayuki was no longer the person she'd fallen in love with. He had changed, while Haruka's world had been swept away into oblivion. Everything had changed. When she awoke to find a world she did not know, the truth had been devastating for her.

She had lost him. While his grief had been for her, he had been lifted from that despair and owed his new life to Mitsuki. Haruka had let him go. A delightful dream had been swept away, and the truth set in. They parted with a smile and a few tears.

Haruka went on to restore her place in civilization. In the meantime, Takayuki fought to restore his place in Mitsuki's heart. In the end, they had all sacrificed.

Takayuki laughed softly at a story Mitsuki shared, set prior to his meeting Haruka. She remembered the time well, regarding Mitsuki's push to bring her into her circle of friends, one further step toward bringing her shy friend together with Takayuki. But Haruka hadn't been ready for that particular meeting and had declined adamantly. Her excuse: she was getting her hair done.

Mitsuki had known very well that Haruka had loved her long hair, and that she was simply trying to avoid having to meet Takayuki for the first time. So instead of joining Takayuki and Shinji as planned for a New Year's celebration, Mitsuki went with Haruka.

Embarrassed but still determined to prove her excuse true, Haruka went through with a haircut that chopped off much of her long, beautiful, strawberry blonde hair. By the time Takayuki actually met her, he couldn't have recognized her by looks alone. Before her hair had gone down to her butt; when Takayuki finally took notice, she wore a much shorter style.

"You actually did that!" Takayuki exclaimed as he gawked pasted a grinning Mitsuki to a bright red Haruka. "I can't believe it. You really were that afraid of what I would think of you, weren't you?"

Mitsuki beamed. "Poor girl. Always so confident until it came to Takayuki." Her voice was still weak, still rough, but it was stronger than it had been before her cry. She was enjoying sharing these stories. Her tired eyes focused on Haruka, and then a frail hand slipped into her beautiful, silky smooth hair. It was nearly as long as it had been, way back then. "Afraid you'd be turned away. But how could he? You were so wonderful, in every way."

Haruka smiled sadly. "Oh, Mitsuki."

"It's hard for a girl. We're very self-conscious creatures."

Shinji grinned. "And us males are insensitive jackasses."

The group laughed, and Haruka's blush deepened.

"I _did_ have a haircut that day. An actual appointment."

"At ten in the morning! We didn't have to meet the guys until almost three!"

They all laughed at the story. Mitsuki leaned into Haruka, who cradled her head gently to her breast. Takayuki touched Mitsuki, gazing lovingly at her, gently massaging her shoulder and upper back. He leaned forward and gently planted a kiss on the nape of her neck, whispering his oath of love. Haruka heard, and felt her heart constrict inside her. Tears threatening, she hugged Mitsuki close and rested her cheek atop her head.

How could she feel so jealous? She was living her dreams. Mitsuki was falling apart, quite literally. She had so little time left in this life, yet Haruka felt jealous. She knew her feelings were spawned from Mitsuki's union with Takayuki, and the connection the two shared even as their time together in the world of the living was drawing to a close. At the same time, in Mitsuki's brief life she had experienced something that Haruka would never personally be able to understand.

She kissed Mitsuki's forehead once again. "I love you so much." She gently separated herself from her friend and rose out of bed. Mitsuki snatched her hand and held on tight, and smiled weakly. "I need to go, hon. I really ought to go get myself a room for the time being."

"A room?" Takayuki glanced up in surprise.

"Of course. You guys need me here right now. I'll be staying."

Shinji started to rise. "I'll go with you."

Before another word could be spoken, the door slid open and a nurse Haruka recognized slipped into the room, followed immediately by little Haruka, who made a mad dash to the bed.

"Fumio!" Haruka gasped. She shook her head in disbelief.

The red-headed nurse gaped back at her, and then she smiled. "Well, well! If it isn't our precious Haruka. How are you doing, sweetheart?"

Haruka glanced to Mitsuki and little Haruka as the girl dashed past her and crawled up into her mother's bed. "These aren't the best of circumstances. Still… to be in this room surrounded by the most important people in my life outside of my family, I couldn't be happier."

Fumio looked relieved to hear those words. She approached the bed, pausing next to Haruka to place a hand on her shoulder, offering a warm smile. "Good for you, honey." She gave her shoulder a squeeze. "It's great to see you again, Haruka." She offered her a big smile before she slipped past to check Mitsuki's IV. "Hey there, Tiger. How ya feelin' this afternoon?"

Little Haruka cuddled close to her mother, both watching closely as Fumio worked, injecting a clear fluid into the IV. The elder Haruka could only stare at mother and child for a long time, marveling. Takayuki lay close to Mitsuki's other side, an arm draped over both the two precious girls in his life, his family. Haruka smiled for them. For a brief moment the jealousy evaporated as she recalled the pure love she still held in her heart for her two dearest friends in life.

"Let's go, Haruka. They need some space right now." She glanced up at Shinji as he started past, toward the door.

"Sure." She looked to Mitsuki and Takayuki. "See you guys tonight, maybe?"

Mitsuki smiled. "We'll be here, sweetheart."


	5. Chapter 5

**~ CHAPTER FIVE ~**

The two sat in silence as Shinji maneuvered his way through Kyoto's heavy, after-school traffic. Haruka couldn't face him, and hadn't said a word to him since they'd left the hospital. Her thoughts kept wandering back to that poor woman lying in her hospital bed, receiving painkillers intravenously as she waited to die, surrounded by her family. She couldn't help but think about how amazing Mitsuki was. Here was this woman, on her deathbed, and yet she had managed to do something that only a day ago would have been an impossible task.

Staring out the window at the familiar buildings passing by, Haruka sighed. She had once walked this very road countless times, mostly after entering Hakuryou Academy. Usually alone. She used to hate walking along this road to school every morning and then home to her family in the afternoon. At first it had been difficult, being so close to a road with heavy traffic. It had taken a lot of tfime and patience after waking up from her accident to conquer her fears. Even today she had to pause at a crosswalk and draw a deep breath before she could step out into the street, though now it was more of a healthy respect for the road than an outright phobia.

There were a lot of people on the sidewalks. Most were college students on there way home after class. Haruka wondered at the kind of people they were, the lives they were making for themselves, the dreams they were all walking toward. Their struggles, their worries, their joys, their passions, their loves. Their strengths and weaknesses. What made them laugh? Cry? What stirred their deepest emotions? She wanted to know them, through and through.

Haruka had made a life for herself in order to explore some of these same basic human psychological dimension. She focused on the minds of children, and had used the knowledge she gained in college to write more than a dozen children's books.

"I can't let you spend money on a hotel room, Haruka. That's not happening."

A couple on the sidewalk were clinging to one another, sharing an embrace, sealing an oath of love with a kiss. "Shinji, I don't have anywhere else to go…"

"Nonsense. Miki and I have an extra room… you'll be staying with us."

She turned to face him. "But… Shinji…"

He glanced over, a small smile on his face. "No 'buts', Haruka. There's plenty of room and a lots of food. Besides, it's not like we'll be spending a lot of time there. Right now, Mitsuki needs us with her. They might as well set up some cots in her room."

"I can't stay with you, Shinji. I won't inconvenience you like that."

"Nonsense. You shouldn't worry about a thing like that." He turned his focus to the road. Flipping on his blinker, he eased his vehicle into the next lane. "We have space. We'll be going to and from the hospital every day. If you need a lift somewhere, I can give you one. Or Miki. You'll be our guest."

Haruka looked away. "Well, as long as you don't think I'll be a burden…"

Shinji smiled. "Haruka, you could never be a burden."

She wondered why he hadn't visited her in the hospital, if she wasn't a burden. Haruka lay her chin on her shoulder and let her face press up against the window as a tear slid down her cheek.

"Hey, I have an idea," he said suddenly. He flicked the blinker again, turning back into the previous lane. Haruka frowned at his sudden change of heart as he skipped what she had thought to be his turn. Curious, she leaned forward, hands on the dash, and watched the world whisk by. It had been more than two years since she'd been to her home town. She had moved to Tokyo shortly after graduation, and her parents had followed her. After that time, there had been no real reason for her to return to Kyoto. Her future awaited elsewhere.

Until now. For the time being, she would put her own worries on hold. She was here for Mitsuki, and for Takayuki and Shinji as well. It would also be an incredible experience to be able to get to know the little girl with whom she shared her name. A lifetime of painful experiences awaited that poor child. Haruka remembered that moment in the restaurant when she slid the book away and lay her head on her arms to cry. The poor child…

"So… Miki and I got married last fall."

Haruka glanced over. "She must be a special lady if you gave her that kind of commitment."

He smiled, his eyes on the road. "You could say that. I've never been around a single person in my entire life that makes me feel the way she does."

"I'm happy for you."

"Thanks."

Shinji hit his blinker once again as he came to a stop at a red light. Haruka noted that the right turn that he was preparing to make would take them down the same street she used to take while she was in college. All too familiar, this was her road home. She stared down the sidewalk as Shinji made his turn. To either side of the street was a sidewalk. On the other side of each sidewalk was a wall of brick more than ten feet high. The foundations of the houses were at least a good eight feet higher than the street, if not higher.

Already, she was looking for that house, that place her parents had molded into a home for herself and for Akane, her little sister. Somehow, despite the heavier traffic on the main road, there wasn't another car, not a single pedestrian on the either sidewalk.

Shinji's car crossed another intersection and moved easily and without obstacle into her neighborhood, slowing to a stop at just the right moment, as they came to her home. The house that used to be her home, anyway. "The people who bought it moved out last week," Shinji said suddenly.

Haruka stared up, mouth open, as she gazed longingly up to her old home.

"But how…"

"I just know," he replied, looking up to the house. "I thought you might want to see it again. It's been what… not quite three years since you were last in town?"

"Yeah."

"And these people have been here ever since. The lady of the house was actually attending Hakuryou. Three years… it's the blink of an eye and at the same time it's an eternity. Change comes without warning. Doesn't even afford you a single breath to catch up."

"That's life, isn't it?" Haruka asked as she stared past him to the house. She pushed the door open and got out. Eyes as wide as saucers gawked up to a place so beautiful to her eyes. She missed it dearly. But she was also confused. "I don't understand… Why'd you bring me here? It's been three years, Shinji. This isn't my home anymore."

He smiled sadly, gazing up to the house for a long time. When he finally spoke, his smile had faded. "You know, Haruka, after high school I took the entrance exam for Hakuryou. I had a dream in my sights and I went for it. I was going into advertising. I took a part time job, leased an apartment, and I worked my ass off to get ahead in the world. All the while, I watched Takayuki and Mitsuki as they simply fell apart, waiting for you…"

Haruka frowned at him as his voice wavered ever so slightly. She knew the pain of her own revelations after waking from her coma, that she had put the world on hold while she lay in a hospital bed for three years. She wiped a tear from her cheek, considering the implications all over again. All too many things had changed while she was sleeping. Her heart ached.

"I've spent my whole life moving forward," Shinji continued. "I've always known exactly what I've wanted, and I've gone for it full throttle. I just hate standing still. Life is about moving forward. Yet here I was, making a future for myself, and watching as Mitsuki's dreams crumbled to dust and Takayuki was sucked into a pit of despair. It just wasn't right. Those two didn't deserve it. I hated seeing them like that, my two best friends left in this world.

"That's when I began to wonder… why is she hanging on? Why does she insist on torturing those two?" Haruka stared in disbelief at what she was hearing. "If you're not going to live—if you aren't going to move forward—why don't you just die? Spare everyone else the pain."


	6. Chapter 6

**~ CHAPTER SIX ~**

Haruka felt her knees go weak at his words. Though he was standing on the other side of his vehicle, it felt as though he had walked around to her side and slapped her in the face, or punched her in the stomach. How could he say such a dreadful thing? She twisted away from him and leaned back into the car, staring off into nothingness. She gripped her shirt, just over her aching heart, and wished she was anywhere but in Kyoto, here with him.

As terrible as it sounded, however, what he said made perfect sense. For her, life _had _ground to a halt while she was sleeping. And Takayuki and Mitsuki had both suffered the brunt of it, because of her.

"Do… do you still feel that way?"

He sounded sincere when he replied. "Of course not." He too leaned against the car. "While you were in your coma, there was hope. I failed to realize that until it was too late. I was a heartless cynic. It wasn't you. You had no control over what happened. It was an accident. Blaming you for not dying? What kind of a cold-hearted bastard does that to one of his best friends?

"I can't deny that it would have saved a lot of heartache if you had died that day. I don't think even you would deny that. Everyone could have simply mourned you, treasured our memories of you, and then moved on with life. You were a precious gift for everyone who ever knew you. But that's why life is worth fighting for. Because it is precious. I sit back and wonder, had it been different, and had you passed away that day, or simply never woken up, would it really have been better to spare the heartache of waiting for you to wake up?"

Haruka picked at a spot on her shirt. It felt odd contemplating if had things been different, and she had not been given a second chance at life.

"Haruka, look at me."

Hesitantly, she turned her gaze up to face him. He stood facing her, on the other side of the car. She wanted to slap him, to run away, and to collapse into his arms and beg for forgiveness, all at the same time. She had never felt this way before.

"I wouldn't want to spare my own regret of how foolish I've been if it meant that you and I couldn't be here now, having this conversation. Even if it means you hate me forever, I am so grateful that you are here. Part of life is painful. It's supposed to be. Without the pain, how can you truly appreciate the joyful experiences?"

Haruka closed her eyes and wiped away her tears. Without a word she opened the car door and got in. Shinji hesitated for a moment before opening the driver's side door and joining her. The two sat in silence for a very long time. Though she didn't look his way, she felt his eyes on her. He was waiting for her to say something.

She didn't know what to say. She was afraid that if she said anything, she would regret it.

"You know, I have no right to ask for forgiveness. I don't intend to. I just felt you deserved the truth."

She remained silent. Shinji sighed and started the car.

The ride to his place was a long thought about what he said. Despite the fact that she grasped what he was trying to tell her, and that there was ample truth to be found in his words, and that he spoke with genuine remorse in his heart, Haruka felt betrayed. Again, this soul-sucking disease known as the passage of time seared a page of regret into the story of her life.

Neither spoke during the drive back to the main road. She suspected that Shinji was trying to allow her what little space he could prove in his tiny sports car. She wasn't grateful; in truth, she was mortified. It wasn't every day that a friend told you the only blessing you could provide your loved ones would be a quick death. Apparently fighting tooth and nail with the grim reaper wasn't worth the expended energy. You only prolonged the inevitable, and the agony of anyone involved. Haruka wasn't prepared to consider the implications; the drama would be far too much to bear.

To be fully honest, Haruka had never given any less than her all no matter what goals she set in her life. Be it a day or a hundred years, she would have fought for as long as it took. Her life was precious to her. To sacrifice it simply to make someone else feel better, no matter who that other person may be? Haruka thought the idea was ridiculous. Besides, she knew in her heart that Takayuki would ream her for even considering such a thing. Mitsuki to. Not to mention Akane and her parents. How could Shinji be so cold?

Before she knew it, they had pulled to a stop in front of another house on another side street, several blocks from Hakuryou Academy. The house stood three stories tall and it seemed every window was open wide to allow the house to breath. On the front walk stood a brown-haired beauty with a broom and a pleasant smile.

Haruka figured this to be Shinji's wife, Miki.

Given his recent comments, she really wasn't all that fired up to meet her.


	7. Chapter 7

**~ CHAPTER SEVEN ~**

Shinji lived in a nice enough house. It was big, chosen for the purpose of his future family. Haruka might even have been impressed if she could shake the feeling that she was intruding on a place where she wasn't truly wanted, even though she knew full well that she was a guest in his house. Betrayal bled a trail of darkness in the hearts of all involved, but most deeply into the heart of its victim. This was the fsecond such betrayal she had learned of since waking in her hospital bed all those years ago.

She stood in the doorway, holding the strap of her duffle bag in both hands before her, the weight of it resting against her thighs as she stared into the darkness. She hadn't met the gaze of the smiling woman as she stalked past her on her way to the door. Haruka wasn't a rude person—in fact, this was an emotion she had never dealt with before in her life, and she wasn't sure exactly how to place it—but her mind was still swimming with thoughts of Shinji's brutal confession. There were many things she knew she was supposed to say, but it was impossible to focus with the intense mixture of pain, anger, regret, sorrow, and confusion numbing her thoughts. This was the last place on the whole planet she wanted to be, yet here she was. Had she known what Shinji had intended to say to her beforehand, she would have never gotten into his car.

A silent breath left her slightly parted lips as she realized that she was standing on the other side of the door, just inside the Taira household. She closed her eyes and clenched her fists in a death grip around the strap of her duffle bag. Her body had moved against her wishes without her realizing it. Slender shoulders trembled slightly as a tear rolled down her cheek. She didn't want to look Miki in the face like this, not while she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

"Bathroom?" she asked suddenly.

"First door on the left, just past the stairwell," Shinji replied as he walked up behind her.

Dreading what she might say if she tried to thank him, Haruka let her feet carry her deeper into the house. She heard Miki comment as she dropped her bag by the bathroom door and slammed it shut behind her.

She gasped softly and her head fell against the door with a soft thud. Tears that she had held back without even realizing it began to run freely down her reddened face. "Not fair," she murmured. "It's not fair. It's not _fair_."

And she knew her friends would all agree. Shinji probably would be the first to state just that. There was _nothing_ fair about the way their friendships had fallen apart, all because of the simple yet profound complexities of the passage of time. A lifetime of changes had occurred while she was sleeping. She was a girl who in a very real sense had lived outside the bounds of time.

Something Shinji had commented about before his confession crossed her mind as she wept. Change comes without warning, she reminded herself.

She forced herself to stop crying long enough to wash her face and to stare at herself in the mirror. When she'd awoke from her coma, Haruka had still been a timid yet determined child at heart. While she was on the cusp of graduating from high school, she still took a very healthy pride in her youth. Part of her persistence to hold on to the foundations of her youth still shined through in a very real way: on the pages of the books that she wrote for the children.

As she thought about her past, she wondered if maybe she would not be so different today had she not suffered that terrifying accident that had so mercilessly stolen from her those precious years of her life and those three dear friendships she had built along the way.

She leaned heavily against the mirror and stared at her face. Stared hard.

She was certainly older. The curves of her body did very little to disguise who she had become in her adulthood, even if she had been forced to earn her figure through sheer determination and hard work during her rehabilitation after waking up. Still, she thought she looked very much like that timid high school student who had fallen for Takayuki years ago. Somehow she had won that fight, and retained her youth.

As she stared at herself, Haruka made the only decision that she could, mostly because there were no sound alternatives. She couldn't simply leave, and she wasn't about to lock herself up in Shinji's bathroom until the end of time. She splashed another round of cold water on her face and dabbed it off with a towel.

She was being foolish. The past was the past, wasn't it? In the end, Shinji knew he had been a fool, too. Knowing now what had been going through his mind then had hurt her, but she knew also that allowing herself to suffer for a past transgression could cause what she had begun to rebuild earlier that day to simply crumble into dust in her fingertips. She could not do that to Mitsuki. She _would_ not do it. She was here to rebuild that bridge.

She replaced the towel on the rail over the toilet, smoothed the front of her blouse as she checked it for stray droplets of either tears or tap water, and turned to the door.

In the hall she turned back to the front of the house, toward the living room where Shinji and Miki stood, talking in hushed tones. They fell silent when they saw her approach, and though she never heard what they were talking about, by Miki's expression she knew they were talking about her. She took a single step forward as Haruka approached Shinji.

Haruka sidestepped her and fixed Shinji with a calm expression before striking him across the face. He touched his cheek momentarily, pondering the sting. "Okay, okay. I deserved that. I was a cold, callous, and childish idiot and I deserved it."

"Damn right," Haruka said softly. If felt odd, cursing like that. Haruka wasn't prone to such language. She closed her eyes. "I will never forgive you, Shinji. As my friend, you should have been there to support me when I woke up. I needed you, and you weren't there for me."

He looked at her, stunned.

"I thought a lot about what you said. You know something, what you said is true. I held my friends back for a long time. Because of me, their lives are less now than what they could have been. It probably would have been easier on us all had I died way back then. I'll tell you for certain it would have been easier for me."

"Haruka…"

"And as cold and callous and childish as that view might be, I think there's probably some merit to it. But the hard part is what you had to do today. You had to face me, to confess your sin to me. I understand now why you couldn't visit me after I woke up. Probably would have torn me up inside, too, huh? To have to tell a dear friend that you thought she'd be better off dead. Even if you realized you were wrong, it would've been one of the hardest things you ever had to do. Yet you did it today." She smiled and reached up and touched his face, right where she had struck him a moment before. "I should be thanking you for telling me the truth, even at the risk of our friendship. You could have lied, Shinji, yet you thought enough of me that you were willing to put it all on the line. That must have been so hard for you."

She patted his cheek, smiling before lowering her hands, clasping them behind her back and smiling up at him, taking him in.

"Well, so long as this is a day of starting over, I suppose now is as good a time as any. Shinji Taira… it is an honor to be with you again, after all these years. Thank you for respecting me enough to be honest with me, my friend."

He blinked down at her, dumbstruck.

She leaned forward, up on the tips of her toe, and kissed his cheek.

"Now…" She stepped back and turned to face his lovely wife. "You must be Miki."

Haruka's cheeks glowed with the relief of her own private revelation.


End file.
